Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
