I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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