bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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