It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
