Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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