so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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