I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize