i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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