so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
