Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
