Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
