I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
