You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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