wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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