he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
