i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
