K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
