I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
