I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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