so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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