What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
