ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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