once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
