dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
