it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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