she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
