I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
