How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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