Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
