Moan for me like Helen Keller
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
