census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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