Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont even know how to be here
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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