so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
