did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
