I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
