If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
