i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
