You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
