So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
