Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So here I am, sexting at work.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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