She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
