Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
