You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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