Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
