zippers are such a cool invention
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
