what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
