i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize