i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
