When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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