she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
