A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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