Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
