I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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