OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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