what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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