1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
