seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
