You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
