i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i would one night stand the shit outta him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
