Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
