woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
