R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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