I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
