He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
