So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
