So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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