return my video game
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
