Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
