You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
