dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
