Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
