You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He better not be in your backpack
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
