I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
