i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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