I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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